Dickhead F: Julie Woods

- “Ill-mannered cow”

Dear Dartford trash,

Thank you for the many reviews you posted online about your terrible experience at the comedy club. I don’t know if you can see it, but on your keyboard there’s a long key to the right of the letter ‘p’ which has a bent arrow on it. It’s called the return key. It’s used for something called punctuation. Punctuation is used to make text more readable, instead of looking like a long-winded, vitriolic rant from an uneducated lunatic.

People complain that the internet has given a voice to idiots whose opinions aren’t worth expressing. I tend to agree. The internet is full of reviews from twats complaining about situations they brought on themselves, such as being thrown out of a comedy club.

You claim that talking and being disruptive during a comedy show creates a “lively atmosphere” and that heckling the comedians is “part of it”. I don't think so. You know what isn't part of the show? YOU. That's why you were seated in the audience. Your group's presence in the club was not only offensive, it reinforced the argument for eugenics.

When confronted about your ill-mannered behaviour, you said our strong words were designed to intimidate you because you were women. Women? Please don't demean the word. Real women have class. What everyone in the club witnessed that night were the antics of obnoxious, bovine idiots, not women. I've seen people behaving better during a stampede.

Celebrating a hen party is one thing. Thinking you have the right to spoil the night of 150 people by acting like wild animals on crack is another. Some hen parties even manage to retain their dignity during an evening, whereas your group turned heads for the same reason people gawp at a turd in a pool.

I urge you and the younger trash bags in your group not to breed. The world is overpopulated and strained. The last thing we need is more cunts from Kent coming out of Kent cunt’s cunts.

Have a nice wedding. Who knows, maybe I’ll turn up and talk all the way through it and create a “lively atmosphere”. Talking during a wedding is “part of it” isn’t it?

Best regards,

Pete Jonas