Dickhead C: Tom Wong

- “Advertising cunt”

Dear Tom Wong,

Thank you for your caring letter justifying the puzzling appearance of my joke in your ‘Diner’ commercial. I particularly enjoyed reading it the second time when you sent it to me on legal letterhead. Would it be possible for you to send me a framed copy? It might be particularly fitting if you could have it printed on the hide of another cheated comedian.

In your letter, you carefully point out the differences between my joke and your commercial. And what massive differences they are. For example, the girlfriend in your commercial is called ‘Claire’ whereas the girlfriend in my joke is called ‘Carol’. Clearly I am deluded in thinking there is any similarity between the two jokes. Hey, here’s a new, original joke for you: Why did the ‘fowl’ ‘traverse’ the ‘carriageway’? Well, if the fowl worked for your advertising agency, it was probably going to a comedy club to look for some creative ‘inspiration’.

Whilst any “coincidental” similarity between my joke and your ad might be costly and difficult to prove in court, let's see if we can glean anything from the video below:

Yes, even a blind, dead, monkey encased in lead can see that we have an extraordinary coincidence on our hands.

You then go on to claim that the idea behind the joke is “commonplace” and that it even appeared in an episode of Friends, a statement about as plausible as the OJ Simpson verdict.

The agency credits a writer for every single commmercial it produces, including all of the ads in the ‘No Nonsense Man’ series, except this one. How strange? You’re not hiding something are you Wong? If you’re so proud of this original, creative masterpiece, why not name the inspired genius behind it?

TBWA’s website describes the 'Diner' ad as having an “amusing and unexpected conclusion” and I very much agree. Believe me when I tell you how ‘unexpected’ I find the conclusion of the commercial every time I see it.

In your response to my letter, you threatened that TBWA would take any legal steps necessary to vigorously defend its reputation. I have news for you Wong. You work for an advertising agency. Your ‘reputation’, along with your value to humanity, exists along an axis of complete utter cunt, to undisputed categorical platinum cunt. I have plotted your meagre existence and that of your colleagues, including the anonymous, non-existent ghost cunt who wrote the script for ‘Diner’, on the chart below.

People in Advertising - Cunt Chart

Kill yourself.

Kind regards,

Pete Jonas